Face your Fears: A Better Framework [Template]

I have a confession to make.

I’ve been afraid to make YouTube videos of Positivity Dan – the silly character who does daily motivation dances. I stopped making these videos because I got self-conscious. I worried they’d come off as attention seeking or be perceived as weird. (Let’s face it, many of the videos are weird)

For months I tried to reduce my fears. I tried giving myself pep talks, consoling friends for advice. Nothing worked. I couldn’t muster the courage to create the videos. I beat myself up over feeling sensitive about something so small. I felt defeated.

Then I realized I was thinking about it wrong.

My “facing your fears” mental model had got me stuck. I over-identified with my fears and ruminated over my negative feelings and thoughts.

Instead of trying to face my fears, I decided to look at my situation through another lens: “Driving and Restraining Forces.”

Driving forces are what motivate you to take action.

Restraining forces are what inhibit you from taking action.

I like this framework because it approaches fear more practically. By identifying the “Driving forces”, you anchor your thought on something positive. This positivity can give you the strength to overcome unpleasant emotions. You now have a good reason to act despite fear. From here, you can accept fear and strategize how to minimize it.

Here’s the framework spelled out.

First, I centered my thought on what I wanted to do: make and share Positivity Dan videos.

Second, I listed out what motivated me to do it… There were so much negative news stories in my social media newsfeed that I wanted to contribute something more positive.   I wanted to make people laugh and feel good about themselves. I wanted to be a little eccentrically positive in hopes that I’d be a role model to help other people embrace the authentic weird parts of themselves.

Third, I listed out what inhibited me from doing it. Despite all the positive reasons, the videos were exhausting to make every morning. I was far more interested in other creative projects - like writing for this blog. And my self-conscious feelings took up a lot of mental space.

Fourth, after seeing everything plotted out, I came to the conclusion that I’d rather focus my attention on other projects I considered more. Plus, if I wasn’t passionate about making the videos they’d be of lower quality. After coming to this conclusion, I wrote that confirming thought as my affirming force. When I feel unsure about my feeling I come back to this statement. When my feelings change I revisit it.

The framework helps you see the love behind your fears. It takes you to a logical end. Your fear can rest.

As a therapist once told me,

“Think skillfully so you

can come to a conclusion that

lets you feel good

and move on.”

Here are examples of this framework applied to fear of public speaking, dating, and sharing your work with the world.