Re-Thinking Fear

If I had a nickel every time I thought about “facing my fears”, I’d buy a large gumball machine.

I’d put in that machine a picture of a clown - my big fear growing up – and every time I bought a gumball it would spiral down, bloop the clown’s nose and I’d feel better about myself.

This coping strategy won’t work for most people. And probably not me.

So, it's time for us to think differently about fear.

“Facing fears” or “reduce fears” is a misguided adage.

It assumes that fears can be extinguished like a flame throwing clown. But fears always come back. In fact, a total absence of fear is pathological.  The reality is that we have to live with fears rather than demolish them. As Nelson Mandela said, “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

The second problem with the “reduce your fears” approach that our incessant focus on fears can strengthen them. Ironically, the more you saturate your mental space with fears and thoughts of incompetence, the more afraid you may become!

Instead, we should focus on our positive intentions that are inhibited by fear. What good thing do you want to do that is restrained by your fear? This small change in framing makes a big difference. You start to act despite fear. You start to accept yourself more. You show a little self-compassion.

From here, you can think practically about how to manage the fear. Reducing it becomes easier because you are facing them in the name of a good cause.

CLICK HERE to donate to my Clown Gumball Machine Non-Profit (Just kidding!)